The ORACLE Speaks ...
just because
It's been thirty three years since my sister Bessie Maria Lyles passed away. She had Muscular Dystrophy and Cerebral palsy. I became her caretaker at the age of eight. I was sent to Orthopedic Hospital, at the corner of Adams and Figueroa at the 101 freeway, it's still there. During the summer, just after I turned eight, every Saturday for the entire summer, my sister Ri Ri and I went to OH. There I was taught to change her diaper properly, her bedding, perform massage and therapy exercises.
My relationship with my sister was very intimate to say the least. Can you imagine, an eight year old exposed to such adult responsibilities? I actually thanked G-d every day for the opportunity. I could walk, I could clean my self, I could feed myself, I could groom myself. I could jump rope, play hide and go seek, you name it I could do it. My sister Ri Ri couldn't, so I was thankful to be able to help keep her spirits high, make her feel good about herself and excape into a world of love I only knew with her.
This past week has been interesting. On February 22, 2010, my sister Bessie Maria Lyles would have celebrated her fifty fifth birthday. On February 23, 2010, we celebrated her thirty third death day.
My spirit is heavy with missing her. I was the one who discovered she was dying the night of her twenty second birthday. I was late to her birthday party. I had just been raped, but that's another story. When I arrived I saw the family had already sung the birthday song, in fact they were eating ice-cream and cake when I got there. Ri Ri said she was wet and I volunteered to change her.
While changing her diaper she exclaimed that "ooh Niecei (my nckname) Ri's Ri's heart feels like a race horse; my sister often spoke in the third person. A red flag went on. As a teenager, I worked in hospitals, clinics and homes for the aged, no flipping burgers for me. I knew the warning signs. I took Ri's Ri's vital signs and realized whe was in defib (heart racing out of control). I told her that the time had come, that we had talked about most of her life. I asked her, "do you want me to get the family? Call mom or dad? She said no. She wanted me to give her a bed bath. I cleaned her up, put on her new pink nightie, pink bed jacket and pink booties, all gifts she had received for her birthday. I gave her the booties, it was all I could afford, three pair for ninety nine cents. While I performed my duties, we talked. I asked her if there was anything I had not done for her, anything I needed to remedy. I was trying in my humble way to make sure I had done right by her. I thank G-d even today for the honor he provided me. While everyone else thought of changing her diaper as a chore, here I was, being given an opportunity of a life time all because I chose to clean her up that night. My sister told me the only regret she had about our relationship was that I had not written her story. I had been a published writer since I was eight and Ri Ri would always ask me to help her write her story. I never did, and that was the only thing she said she ever really wanted from me. I promised her I would write her story. I was in college at U.C.L.A. at the time. I went on the write her story in my thesis when I got my Cetification as a Movement Therapist, the title, "Of Love, Of Life, Of Miracles: Movement Therapy and Cerebral Palsy; retraining portions of the unused brain using dance.
Today I credit my sister with having taught me to dance. Just like white men can't jump, white girls can't dance, and I was one of them. I am mixed race and the white side of me was very obvious when I was young. One day I ran to Ri Ri crying, "They called me whitey, they said I can't dance, boo hoo." Ri Ri told me to shut up, get her the portable record player and grab hold of the doorknob and she taught me to dance. Actually, she taught me to really listen to the music. She would say, "you don't dance happy to sad music and you don't dance sad to happy music. Listen to the voice of the music, it will tell you how you should move." Hence, I was in college as a dance major, became a dancer, dance teacher, healer, author, mostly because of my sister and of course my father's encouragement and love. He's gone too and I miss them both.
If you have an opportunity to do something for someone, something that requires a great deal of time, committment and humbling, I say do it. It may be exactly what you need to re-focus on what's important in life. Perhaps you too will be inspired to reach beyond your comfort zones and recognize the blessings in your life. Thank you Ri Ri, thank you Daddy, thank you G-d, Goddess and Spirits that provide for all my needs. I love you all.
The ORACLE
Always remember to love yourself.
Quick, grab your pen and paper and write your thoughts now....